Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
