A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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