hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
