You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
