my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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