I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
