only you would photoshop your dick
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
