I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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