You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
