its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
