I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
