I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
