I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
