I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
