What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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