It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
