Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
