Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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