Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
