I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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