bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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