i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
