You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
