I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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