I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
