it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
