Will you blow on my dice?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
