Porn is love you can see.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
