Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
