Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
