hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
