ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
