Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
