I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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