hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
