Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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