After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
