This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
