If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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