i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
