I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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