Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sext me about skeletons
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
