No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
