I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
