god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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