WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
