He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
