Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
