she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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