God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
